


wish me one more day to stay

by LadyOrpheus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Resurrection, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28309542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOrpheus/pseuds/LadyOrpheus
Summary: It doesn't seem right, Essek thinks, that so brilliant a flame should be capable of vanishing without a trace. There are no venerable halls that will remember the name, no dedications or histories. Perhaps there will be a footnote on him, in Beauregard's writing, amongst the collections of the Cobalt Soul. A small mention of his adventures with the Nein and a nod to their peacekeeping efforts.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 16
Kudos: 129





	wish me one more day to stay

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where all of this came from honestly so...Merry Christmas I guess? What started as one angsty scene was fanned into the fire you see below by the lovely folks of the EFTC. The best cheerleaders a girl could ask for.

Caleb is lost. Gone. Disintegrated.

It doesn't seem right, Essek thinks, that so brilliant a flame should be capable of vanishing without a trace. There are no venerable halls that will remember the name, no dedications or histories. Perhaps there will be a footnote on him, in Beauregard's writing, amongst the collections of the Cobalt Soul. A small mention of his adventures with the Nein and a nod to their peacekeeping efforts.

Even the books, so essential to his being that Caleb strapped them to his person like a second skin, are nothing but dust. The last evidence of a brilliant mind at work snuffed out.

Well, maybe not the last evidence. 

Essek turns to a page in his own spellbook with shaking hands. He caresses the edge of the page, smooths out the wrinkle at the corner, and traces runes gently. 'Widogast's Transmogrification'.

When Essek closes his eyes he can pretend he is still in that nine sided tower, sharing a table in the library with Caleb and five cats, far closer than strictly copying requires. The air is warm, the fireplace casts an amber glow over everything, and Caleb's eyes dance in the light.

When Essek opens his eyes the warmth vanishes. He is left only with the page and not the man.

There is a small splash on the paper and Essek gasps, hurries to blot up the tiny drop before it smudges the writing. He cannot lose this too. He cannot. But there is another drop and another. They fall faster than Essek can dry them. He desperately dabs at five different spots with the fabric of his cloak before he realizes they are his own tears. There is nothing to do but shut the book and let them fall.

\----------------------

It takes longer than he would like. It is an exercise in all his conniving to pull on the threads of influence to acquire enough diamonds without arousing suspicion. Resurrection is a crime punishable by death in the Dynasty; it is contrary to all that the Luxon stands for. What's one more treason?

Essek teleports himself and the stash to Nicodranas. He does not know for sure that is where the rest of the Nein will be, but if nothing else they have family there still. Surely they must visit eventually.

He takes to loitering about the Lavish Chateau in his usual disguise, but it takes a full week before the Ruby of the Sea approaches him. "Something tells me you are not here to see me Lord... Thane was it?"

He's not sure how, but he convinces her to get in contact with Jester who returns in a flash with a Word of Recall, Fjord and Caduceus with her.

He leans into her hug harder than he anticipated. And trips over himself to unload the contents of his own bag of holding. 

There is a beat, "oh" before Jester starts to cry.

Essek is not quite sure what to do except babble. "There should be plenty. I've done some research into the ritual requirements. I am not sure what the traveler or," he gestures at cadeuces, "the wildmother might ask for offerings but I am more than prepared to--"

"Essek." Fjord interrupts while he wraps an arm around Jester, "This is all... well, it's lovely but..."

Caduceus' face is grim. "We've already tried."

"Oh."

Essek feels a fool.

"Oh. Of course. I--" He swallows. "I'll just... nevermind."

He leaves as fast as he can, ignores Jester calling for him. He's teleported back to his tower before he's even remembered he left the diamonds behind. It doesn't matter. None of it matters.

As a graviturgist he ought to know how to counteract the forces at play, but he can't stop gravity from pulling him to his knees.

Essek hasn't prayed since he had more fingers than years, but something in him echoes over and over and over again, "I wish..."

Unable to trance that night Essek cries himself into a fitful sleep. If there was any mercy in the universe it would have been a dreamless sleep. But Essek should know by now the world is endlessly cruel.

In his dreams Caleb stands in front of him. They are both suspended in an expansive sea of darkness and stars. Caleb is dressed as he was when Essek saw him last, returned to his Empire style overcoat, but still wearing a scarf of dynasty purple. His beard is more than scruff, but less than full, and his eyes are just as crystal clear blue as Essek remembers.

He smiles as Essek approaches, "Hallo."

It seems his tears have followed Essek into his dreams as well. The thumbs that wipe them away feel so real, the pressure of them is just right, but they are missing the heat that has always radiated from Caleb in waves.

The accent too is impeccable, "I am sorry, Essek"

"What for?"

"I thought that there was nothing left unfinished. That I'd done my part. That the people I cared about would be better without me."

"I'm not better without you."

"You could be."

"I don't want to be."

" _Schatz._ "

Essek shakes his head hard enough to brush Caleb's hands away. "No. You listen to me, Widogast. I have dedicated my entire life to studying dunamancy. My first language is not undercommon, it's potential. And you had--you have so much. There's so much we could have done." He is crying harder than he thinks would be possible in the waking world. "It isn't fair. I just wish-"

Caleb smiles sadly at him. "Well. Those are the magic words. How can I refuse?"

Essek tried to blink the tears and confusion away. "Wha-?"

"There will still be a price, you know. It's how these things work." He gathers Esseks face in his hands again. "But if you call, I promise I will answer. One way or another, I'll answer." Once again Caleb kisses his brow. His lips shine with a pearly white light that expands to fill all of their dreamlike existence. It grows to consume them both and even the stars beyond.

Essek wakes up.

When he opens his eyes his mind is scrambled. Reason says it was only the conjuration of a desperate man. He is no cleric; he cannot speak to lost souls. Essek's poor atrophied heart, however, dares yet to hope.

He teleports to Nicodranas again. Jester, Fjord, and Caduceus have not left yet. They are taking breakfast with Jester's mother in the main room when he rushes through the door.

"Oh, Essek." Jester fights to put on a smile. "It's a good thing you came back we weren't sure what to do with all the dia--"

"I need you to do it again."

The three of the Nein share a glance. They seem to reach a silent agreement and nominate Caduceus to speak. "Essek. Once a ritual fails, there are no do overs. They are beyond our reach. Caleb is beyond our reach."

Essek is sure he is the least presentable he has ever been. He fell asleep in his clothes last night and he did not change this morning. His hair is standing up on end, he's sure his eyes are more bruise than eye and rimmed with red. He looks every bit the madman, Essek wouldn't believe himself either, he cannot even begin to explain it. "Please, I know better than to hope, but something is different I--there was this dream, I think a vision, I--"

They are still looking at him with pity, no, with shared sadness. "Please. Just. Please. What are diamonds but a pile of rocks. Please just try."

Caduceus is still reluctant, but Jester agrees. "I've been keeping it prepared, you know, just in case." They pile into a bathroom of all things after Jester makes some sort of promise about a tub.

They pile in around the small mountain of gems. Jester arranges some candles "I don't think they're really required, but they're just nice, ya know?"

There's more set up than Essk expected. And not much that he or Fjord can do to contribute. The half-orc takes to "guarding" the door. Essek is left to pick at his fingernails and stare at the ceramic. 

"Hokay." Jester says at last. "We're ready. I think. I--uh. We just. Say his name. And talk to him and umm. Yeah we could..." she offers out a hand and Essek takes it without hesitation. Caduceus takes her other one and Fjord comes from the door to complete the circle. "Do we say, um, Bren do you think?"

Essek shakes his head firmly, "No. That's not him anymore."

Jester nods. "Okay. Traveler," she calls, voice clear, closes her eyes, "We call back to life... Caleb Widogast."

Jester begins to glow with a faint green light. The air begins to hum. But nothing else happens. She peeks through one squinted eye, "Ummmmm. If anyone has something to say they should do it." 

She's looking right at him, and there are a thousand things Esseks wants to say and each thought is competing to go first. The words are stuck, tripping over themselves.

"Please." Caduceus takes pity on him in that low rumble of his. "Allow me."

"Caleb. I know we've been here once before. I'm not sure if you heard us last time or if maybe you were happy enough to leave things as they are. I will respect whatever you decide. And to help you find your way..." he removes the crystal from his staff. It begins to glow softly and Caduceus places it with the diamonds. He nods, closes his eyes, and bows his head. 

Fjord clears his throat. "I guess, I'll go next. I, uh, I've told you before that I think you are a good man, Caleb. I'm not sure that you believed me so I'll just have to say it again." He places some sort of glove in the center of their circle. "You believed in me when I was nothing. And like it was nothing. But it was everything to me. Just wanted you to know that."

Jester is glowing brighter than before. "One more."

That's his cue, Essek supposes. He feels foolish. He has no trinkets to offer, no physical manifestation of everything he wants. He looks desperately around the circle. "I- I've never participated in one of these before how do I-?"

Caduceus answers without lifting his gaze, "Just whatever feels right in the moment."

"You could, like, sing a little love song or write a poem or, like, just talk to him and," Jester's voice breaks for a moment, "and just ask him to come back because, you know, we miss him a whole lot."

Essek has only ever wielded words as weapons, not art. There's only one sort of creation he's ever been proud of. He produces his spellbook with a wave of his arm. His hand shakes when he releases Jester's to complete the gesture. He flips to a later page where the corner still refuses to lie flat. New stains have freckled the paper.

He never did manage to memorize it. He's not like Caleb, where every stroke of ink on paper was the same as etching it on the stone walls of his mind. He had only this copy, never used, only cherished until it was too late. 

He rips the page out.

"Caleb." Essek is alarmed at the quiver in his own voice. "That this is the only spell we ever created together is one of the greatest regrets of my life. I say only 'one of the greatest' because my actual greatest regret is that I underestimated one of the very elements I thought I knew so well. I was so sure that we would have more time. I would have time to teach you anything and everything you wanted to know, time to repair everything that I have broken, time to--to tell you...exactly how much you mean to me. I--" He lets the page float to the floor. "Please. I'd beg any God, I'd trade any favor for just a little more time."

The light emanating from Jester glows brighter still and when she smiles at Essek he can see there are tears running down her cheeks. He suspects they mirror his own. She reaches out to take his hand again.

"Wait!" He remembers abruptly. Essek digs once more into his pocket dimension and removes a small pearl. "I don't know if it will make a difference, but," the pearl disappears as he presses it into Jester's palm. The grace of Fortune's Favor blends into the green glow. Essek rejoins hands, though he doesn't dare close his eyes.

"Okay." He hears Jester say to his right. "Here we go."

Essek watches transfixed as the green glow expands to fill the bathroom. The diamonds sparkle with green fire, the glove and crystal too are now shaded green, the page seems to glisten. 

Esseks heart leaps as all three of their offerings are consumed in a blast of green flame, there one second and gone the next. The diamonds too are now rattling in their piles, cascading from their precarious perches atop one another. The light reaches blinding and the diamonds shatter. The pile of gems becomes a pile of glistening sand. Though there is no wind in this interior room it blows across the tile and scatters on an unfelt breeze. Slowly the glowing recedes until Jester looks herself once more, all blue sapphire and not even an aura of emerald.

A moment passes. Then two. Three.

There is nothing.

Caduceus raises his head. Jester's bottom lip trembles. Fjord swears. Essek can feel his heart breaking all over again.

All four of them jump out of their skin when there is a gasp from the bathtub behind them.

First there is a pale freckled arm that emerges over the lip of the rub. Then a head of fiery hair. Essek's eyes meet a gaze of brightest blue.

Jester squeals, "Oh traveler, you dick!" Before she hauls a very naked Caleb out of the tub and into a rib crushing embrace. The rest of the room is only a moment behind her.

There are tears all over again. Joyful ones this time. Caleb laughs--and oh how Essek has missed that sound--and makes a crack about his lack of clothes, but none of them seem willing to let him go long enough to see about getting clothes. Eventually they settle on wrapping him in Essek's cloak.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh." Jester has not stopped murmuring the exclamation since. She does eventually cry out "Oh my gosh we have to tell the others," before she dashes out the door, dragging fjord with her and exclaiming "oh my gosh" all the while.

Caduceus takes a beat to glance between the two wizards. "Well, why don't I see about scrounging up some extra clothes." He lays a hand on Caleb's shoulder. "It's good to have you back."

Caleb smiles. "It's good to be back."

And just like that they are alone. Essek is still afraid to blink lest Caleb disappear in the time it takes to reopen his eyes. Caleb stares back.

"Hallo."

"Hello."

They both cannot seem to stop smiling.

"That was some speech there, Thelyss."

"I take it you heard?"

Caleb reaches out to take Essek's hand. Essek can feel the warmth radiating from his fingers. "Every word."

"I meant it."

"I know." Caleb takes a step closer.

"You owe me another copy of that spell you know."

"I know."

"I would very much like to kiss you now."

Caleb only makes it through half of his next reply before Essek does exactly that.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @LadyOrpheus on all socials. Come scream about my favorite asshole drow with me!


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